6. Writing

Is it art to get really emotional? Danielle will cry over a movie and then magically be able to discuss the beauty of the theme conflicting with the character conflicting with the music or the way a kid’s cartoon combats deep personal problems that people face in life. Self constantly questions Art. The two can be compared to Wiesler and Dreyman from The Lives of Others. Wiesler is Self, Dreyman is Art. Wiesler is probing and investigating Dreyman, limiting him. But eventually Wiesler, in a way, lets Dreyman write his play, and a beautiful work is produced, and Wiesler afterward defends the art made by moving the typewriter so the other Stasi cannot find it. Self then turns into Wiesler’s supervisor, Grubitz. Grubitz knows for a fact Dreyman has transgressed the law and questions him, trying to break him.  

Danielle understands the idea that a lot of art is “intention, accident, acceptance” and does agree with that theory and find that it does happen with her work. But the part of her called Self never really gets over that accident phase, or sometimes only partially accepts itself. The other part of her, Art, doesn’t know what form to take and she often finds it bursting out of her in unexpected ways—a tweet, a drawing on a friend’s leg, the spur of the moment decision to use her acrylic paints on a vase because it’s too plain. Art feels like a wild horse, trapped in a stall, not even in her head—it’s a part of her hiding somewhere in there. In that way, art is like Wiesler, quietly observing, obsorbing, recording. However, Danielle is confused as to when she’s making art and when she’s just doing things. When is Art presenting itself? Is Art in control when Danielle’s drawing on a friend’s leg?

            A lot of the process is Art in a fight with Self to keep going. Art wants to mean something, but it hasn’t decided what it wants to mean yet. Art wants to drag Self into it but Self fights back. Art soothes Self when Self is thinking too much, distracting it from what Self would otherwise be scared of thinking. Self stops Danielle from interacting with Art because Self is scared of insulting Art. Once Art takes control of Danielle, Self shuts up. Danielle likes when Self shuts up because it lets her make whatever Art wants and not hate it. Self forgets to hate what Art makes when Art takes over. Even when Art surrenders to Self it’s at the back of Danielle’s mind yelling at Self to like what it just did, that it’s as good as anyone else’s and it’s better than what it would’ve been if Art didn’t take the front seat.